Me. At least after what I've been through.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
