yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
