toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
