i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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