Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I checked into jail on foursquare
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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