I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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