How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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