We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
