I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dick very happy bro
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
