i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
