I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
