Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
