first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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