I puked a lego.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
