so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
