I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
