Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
