Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
