That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
