I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
