There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
