She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
