Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
