I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
