rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize