I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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