He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
