did you get engaged???
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
