We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
