I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We got so high we made milksteak
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
And then he peed in my hair
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