girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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