I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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