What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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