She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
