Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
