he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
