She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
