when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
