and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
