It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
