So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
