U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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