There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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