thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
