The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
A+ Viking dick
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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