I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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