it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
