Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
