Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
