You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
