so that wasnt chicken after all
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
