Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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