Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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