you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have fence marks all over my body
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
