Can i not drive my cunt home
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
