Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
