Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
