ugly people sure do ruin things
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
