Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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