i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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