so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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