I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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