you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
