Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
