You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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