I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
