Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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