Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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