What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
