Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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