Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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