so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
