She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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