the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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