I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
