I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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