I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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