The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
