Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
