Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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