My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
