Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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